


Veritas

by americanphancakes



Series: In Vino Veritas [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alcohol, Drunken Confessions, Love Confessions, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mutual Pining, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-19 01:44:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14864279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/americanphancakes/pseuds/americanphancakes
Summary: Dan only loves Phil when he’s drunk.(Sort of inspired by that fan art of drunk dan on the bed telling Phil "you're beautiful" by hey-laura on tumblr. Cuz it's the freakin' cutest.)





	Veritas

**Author's Note:**

> Look at me, writing a one-shot! I'm so proud of myself. lol
> 
> Probably not an original concept, but since I'm having a hard time with my chaptered fic at the moment I thought I'd spend my lunch hour at work writing a story idea that had been creeping & crawling around in my head for awhile.
> 
> [Share this story on tumblr](https://americanphancakes.tumblr.com/post/174639678328/new-one-shot-veritas)

It was just one kiss at first. Just one kiss, and honestly it tasted more like vodka than it tasted like Dan. But it shot electricity all through Phil’s body, and he spent the whole rest of the night wide-eyed and frozen.

But the next day, it was like it never happened. Dan complained about the unexpectedly low volume of cereal in the Crunchy Nut box. He whined about Phil’s socks laying abandoned on the living room floor. He rolled his eyes and said “really?” at the contact lens pot sitting on the tap.

As they watched the most recent episode of Tokyo Ghoul:re, he sat on the same place on the sofa he always did. He scrolled through tumblr and reacted with a relaxed “aw, that’s cute” to a piece of semi-romantic fanart of the two of them. He didn’t seem disturbed or worried or anxious about their perceived or actual relationship status.

The kiss had somehow changed  _ nothing _ for Dan! He must have just been black-out drunk. He didn’t remember, apparently.

Phil did his best to put the kiss out of his mind, which took a few days.

 

***

 

The next time Dan and Phil drank together, they were out with friends at a casual restaurant. Dan was considerably further gone than Phil was when he whispered in Phil’s ear, “Can I put my hand on your lap?”

Phil blinked, surprised, and stared at Dan’s enormous, pleading doe eyes. He nodded. Dan smiled and rested his hand on Phil’s upper leg under the table, just where he said he would, and didn’t move it from that spot. Phil was simultaneously thankful and mildly disappointed that Dan’s hand never crept upward. Dan looked very relaxed and happy afterward though.

Phil, slightly more in his right mind, took Dan home at the end of the night. Dan’s half-dead weight was slumped unusually heavily on Phil’s shoulder as he dragged his feet along the pavement. Dan started singing loudly and obnoxiously, and Phil noticed the lyrics were of the “I love you, why don’t you love me?” variety. He didn’t want to read too much into that, but at the same time, he  _ really _ did.

When they got back to their flat, Phil unceremoniously dropped a giggling Dan onto his bed.

“You’re my hero, Pill-- Philly.” Dan laughed at his inability to speak properly, and even Phil smiled at it.

“I’m no hero. I’m just Phil.”

“Yeah but I love Phil so I love  _ you. _ ”

Phil sat on the edge of the bed next to him. “You’re also completely drunk.”

“Which is ‘zackly how you know ’m bein’ honest.” Dan reached up and poked Phil’s nose. “Boop!” He started giggling again.

Phil pushed Dan’s hair, slightly sweaty from his alcohol-induced warmth, lovingly off his forehead. “I’m gonna get you some water, okay?”

“Not yet,” Dan whined, threading his fingers through Phil’s to keep him there. “I wann’ look at you.” He smiled. “You’re just so beautiful, Phil. With your hair. And your eyes. And your... face.”

“You’re drunk.”

“You’re still beautiful.”

“You probably won’t even remember this in the morning,” he said, slightly amused but kind of sad that this was probably true.

“You dunno that, mister. Maybe I’ll ‘member this f’rever.”

Phil shook his head and smiled. “I doubt it. But you  _ will _ remember the hangover you’ll have tomorrow morning if I don’t get you some water.” Phil patted Dan’s hand in his, and Dan reluctantly obeyed this signal to let go. Phil stood up, and Dan made grabby hands and tiny childlike frustrated grunt noises.

“Noooo Philly come back.”

“I’ll be right back, hang on!” Phil said with a grin.

He went to the kitchen and filled a glass with some tap water, and by the time he came back, Dan’s eyes were closed, his mouth was hanging open, and light snores were beginning to escape. He’d somehow fallen asleep in the past thirty seconds. Phil snickered as quietly as he could, and set the water on Dan’s bedside table. He retrieved two paracetamol from the medicine chest and placed them next to the water before leaving his inebriated flatmate alone to sleep, whispering “Good night, Dan” as he closed the bedroom door on his way out.

Of course, Dan’s head was indeed killing him the next day, but he again acted like nothing of interest had happened the night before. Sober Dan was back to just being Phil’s friend, any signs of romantic interest notably absent.

Phil would have been frustrated if he’d expected any different, but instead he was just disappointed and confused.

 

***

 

It had been months -- months -- since that first kiss, and Phil still wasn’t over it. This was because Drunk Dan never seemed to  _ let _ him get over it. As soon as Dan’s BAC reached a certain level, his words and actions toward Phil got more and more intimate. Romantic, even. The things he would say made Phil’s heart stop and swell up. He felt rather like a balloon animal getting squeezed.

Letting himself get slightly tipsy helped, but rarely helped enough.

“Your eyes are so pretty, Phil,” Dan said one night. “Why are your eyes so pretty? ‘S not fair! I want pretty eyes.”

“But you  _ have _ pretty eyes!” Phil said, letting his adoration for Dan come out like an aura around him.

“Psh. Brown. Mud. Boo. I don’t like ‘em.”

“They’re like chocolate! Who doesn’t like chocolate?”

“Some people don’t, Phil.”

“ _ You _ like chocolate.”

“So? All that matters is if  _ you _ do.” Dan poked Phil’s chest. “Do you like chocolate, Phil?”

Phil laughed. “You already know I do.”

Dan leaned in close with a mischievous look on his face. “But… Would you lick an eyeball, Phil?”

“What!?” Phil cracked up. “No!”

“Then it doesn’t matter if you like chocolate, Phil, now duzzit?” Dan laughed hysterically.

“You are saying my name an awful lot.”

“I like saying your name, Phil Philly Philip Phil Phil Phiiiiiillll…”

“You are completely pissed right now, aren’t you?”

“Yup,” Dan said, taking another swig of whatever he was drinking. “‘S great!”

“Why’s it great?”

“Cuz it makes me brave.”

“You’re brave a lot of the time.”

Dan shook his head. “Nope, not brave enough.”

“For what?”

“I… am… not brave enough to tell you that.” Dan started laughing again, his cheeks red, his eyes dodging Phil’s as deftly as possible (which was not all that deftly at all).

He was brave enough a few sips later. That was all it took.

“I love you, Phil.”

“You’re drunk.”

“So’re you. Doesn’t matter. I’ll still love you when I’m sober. I always do. I love you all the time.”

“Stop it, Dan.” Phil took a drink. He was starting to hate this.

The evening continued in this manner, with Dan flirting and Phil trying not to love it. Dan’s drinking eventually slowed, just as Phil’s drinking had steadily increased. It wasn’t long before Phil had caught up and they were both reasonably wasted.

“You’re beautiful,” Drunk Dan said to Drunk Phil.

“No, you are.” Phil smiled. It was warm and sweet and far more than friendly. He was having some difficulty stopping himself from being mushy.

“No… no you are.” Dan laughed and poked Phil’s shoulder. Phil rocked backward and then forward far enough to rest his head on Dan’s chest.

“Mmmeh…” he whined. “I’m drunk! Why’s it still so hard!?”

“What is?” Dan asked. “I mean... Besides my--”

“Ssshhh!” Phil said loudly, perking his head back up and shoving his hand onto Dan’s face. “Don’t talk about your cock, it’s... bad luck or something!”

Dan stuck his tongue out to lick Phil’s hand off his mouth.

“Ew, what the hell Dan!” Phil laughed.

“The fuck do you mean ‘bad luck’? I have the luckiest penis on earth.”

“Lies, you do not.”

“Sure I do! It doesn’t get to fuck you but it’s at least thinking about it whenever I wank. It’s fucking  _ privileged. _ ”

Phil blinked. “Wow. Um. Does it want to fuck me?”

Dan sighed. “Yeah…”

“Aww, but we’re too drunk to do anything right  _ now _ !” Phil whined. “Consent has become dub… doo… uh… hazy.”

Dan laughed. “Well then maybe tomorrow,” he said. “Tomorrow we should. Just two bros... experimenting... because they’re in love!” Dan punctuated his suggestion with a giggle, as though half his brain thought he was being ridiculous and the other half thought it was the most obvious thing ever.

“If we even remember this conversation tomorrow!” Phil said, laughing too. But then he stopped laughing when he replayed what Dan said in his mind. “Oh my god wait. Wait. Are we?”

“Are we what?”

“In love.”

Dan’s eyes shifted. “...Are we not?”

The two of them laughed like the couple of drunk idiots they were when suddenly one of them kissed the other. Phil realized it was him this time.

He broke away from the kiss, or tried to. Their lips, sticky with sugar from their cocktails, hung on for slightly longer than intended. Dan looked into Phil’s pretty blue eyes, Phil looked into Dan’s chocolate ones, and suddenly they were both quite lucid. Adrenaline was kicking the alcohol’s ass right then and colors seemed brighter, lines seemed sharper, and sounds seemed clearer.

“Was that… was that not…okay?” Phil stammered.

“That was okay,” Dan said quietly with a slight nod. “That was very okay.”

“Do, um… do you want me to do it again?”

“Yes, please.”

So Phil did. His tongue explored Dan’s artificially sweetened mouth and he knew there was no way his Dark & Stormy was  _ this _ delicious. Dan explored right back, thinking the same thing about whatever tropical fruity thing Phil had been drinking.

Phil started to pull away. “Fuck, wait-- wait, Dan, wait.” Actually stopping kissing proved to take multiple attempts because they both had a hard time resisting.

“What?” Dan finally said.

“I don’t wanna do this now.”

“‘Sokay, we already decided we’re not gonna f--”

“But this is the best kiss of my life and what if I just forget it? I don’t want to forget it.”

“We won’t forget it,” Dan said.

“How d'you know that for sure? I mean,  _you_ always forget.”

Dan’s eyes widened as he did some mental arithmetic. “Wait a second, you… huh?”

“You’re always so… you just seem to be so into me when you’re drunk, and then the next day, it’s like…” Phil made a *poof!* motion with his hands, making a quiet version of the sound with his mouth. “It’s really weird!”

Dan’s face brightened a little. “Oh my god, you spork.” He made a slightly guilty-looking but mostly amused face. “Wanna know a secret?”

“Okay…?”

Dan brought his mouth up to Phil’s ear. “I’ve never forgotten any of it,” he whispered.

Phil’s eyes widened. “Why did you never say anything?” he asked as calmly as he could.

“Because  _ you _ didn’t say anything,” Dan said quietly with a bashful, nervous look. He started feeling anxious, and the next pile of words spilled out of his mouth like an awkward waterfall. “I figured it was  _ you _ who didn’t remember, if I’m being honest. You didn’t say anything so I started to worry that maybe you’d been way more drunk than you looked like you were, and I just felt guilty, like I’d taken advantage or something. I always tried to be careful, ask you for permission and shit, but God, the next day it was just, like… maybe I fucked something up  _ really _ badly, you know? It was easier to just… not say anything, which now I think about it is  _ so _ shitty of me. But I needed to get these fucking stupid feelings out of my system, so I’d flirt and I’d ask if I could touch you or kiss your cheek and I’d tell you “I love you” and... I just wasn’t brave enough unless we were drinking together, I guess, I… just...” Dan sighed and put his head in his hands, utterly humiliated by his behavior. “God I am so fucking sorry. I am the actual worst.”

Phil’s brain felt like it was short-circuiting. If he weren’t already completely smashed he’d feel like he needed a drink.

“So… rewind a bit here,” Phil said. “You… you like me?”

Dan uncovered his face and laughed. “Fuck, mate, it’s well past that!”

Phil’s volume lowered a bit. “You… you really, actually love me?”

Dan nodded, avoiding Phil’s gaze. “Yeah. If it’s weird, I understand, it’s okay, we can just pretend this conversation never happened, just like the rest of it. If I crossed lines, and oh my god I am so sure I crossed lines, I am  _ so sorry, _ I’ll never do any of that creepy shit again, it w--”

“No, Dan, I love you too.”

Dan paused. “What?”

“I love you too!” Phil said, his tone the same as if he were surprising Dan with a party.

Dan’s shoulders dropped into a relaxed place, and his head tilted as he made a “really?” face. He closed his eyes, unable to face reality just at this moment. “Are you fucking telling me... I’ve been doing all this drunk pining for a guy who  _ likes me back _ ?”

Phil nodded happily. “And I’ve been sober pining for the same thing!”

Dan opened his eyes again and actively fought the smile that was threatening to creep across his face. “Only you could be so excited about this, Phil.”

“Only you could find the upsetting part of it and latch onto it. You’re like a sadness barnacle.”

Dan laughed an awkward, embarrassed laugh and rubbed his forehead. “Fuck. I feel myself sobering up and I don’t like it,” he said.

“Sobering up is good though,” Phil said. He nudged Dan with his elbow. “Consent won’t be so dubious anymore.” He totally failed to wink, and Dan laughed again.

“Tomorrow will be interesting, won’t it?” Dan said.

“Sure hope so,” Phil said. “I’ll do some googling for ideas just in case.”

“Jesus Christ, Phil.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I can be found at @americanphancakes on tumblr, come say hi!
> 
> [Share this story on tumblr](https://americanphancakes.tumblr.com/post/174639678328/new-one-shot-veritas)


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